You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or acquaintance – you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.
– Danielle Koepke
Long story short, toxic behaviour can either kill you or make you stronger. Whatever that toxic behaviour may be.
I hadn’t come to this realisation until I was told that I had been cheated on twice in the 3 years I was with my ex, about half a year after we broke up.
On top of my personal experience with toxic people, I’ve also witnessed other people being dragged through hell because the people they were acquainted with were either oblivious, or just selfish.
This topic has also come up several times in the ‘Introvert Dear’ and other INFJ groups I’ve joined since discovering my MBTI personality type.
And I understand that ‘toxic’ behaviour can mean different things for different people, but to me, toxic behaviour on the most basic level, is the causal agent for another individual’s sadness and hurt.
Toxic behaviour is when someone treats the people you love with disrespect.
Toxic behaviour is when a romantic interest treats you like a ‘back up plan’, instead of telling you straight out that they’re unsure about their feelings about you.
Toxic behaviour is when an employer, or someone higher up in any hierarchical system refuse to take responsibility for when things go wrong, and instead find a scapegoat.
Toxic behaviour is when a friend, however close you hold them to your heart, disregard you as a whole. They’re so caught up with their personal agendas to consider your feelings or boundaries.
Toxic behaviour creates conflict in an individual’s mind, body and spirit when all they seek is harmony in life. Whatever that may mean to them.
So to all those people thinking about whether it is selfish to want out of a toxic situation, do it.
And I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to seek peace with someone that holds a special place in your heart. I’m saying that if you’ve exhausted all avenues of seeking peace with them, and yet they continue to hurt you in the way they say or do things, then that is a sign that you may want to consider removing yourself from those situations.
After all, it’s not selfish to want happiness in life. And if the only thing stopping you from being happy is the way you’re being treated by another person, then the only logical solution is to politely address it with them. If that notion is entirely disregarded on their part, isn’t that a sign that there must be better things in life to pursue?
The message in today’s post is that people shouldn’t feel obliged to deal with shitty people in their lives. But that’s also a decision they need to make for themselves.
Of course, it’s not always that simple. But all I’m asking is for people who have found themselves in a crappy situation to assess the reasons for and against living in another person’s toxicity. It may not always be black and white, and maybe all you need is a break from it all. Then maybe you will see how easy it may be to move on, and find harmony with other people.