I woke up this morning feeling like I should clean up my Google Drive because I recently added the app onto my Samsung Galaxy S4. I’d post a screenshot of it up because yeah, I am quite proud of the way everything is laid out but … not today.
So I stumbled across a document I had placed there back when my ex-boyfriend was still interested in rekindling our relationship. To put things into context, we were going out for a little over two years but things went downhill somewhere along the way. I still don’t know where because I was just blindsighted by how happy I was, whilst he probably got bored of me. So we broke up at the end of 2012, and I have been told several things that ‘seal the deal’ for me – things that I should have been aware of but didn’t really want to accept the reality of.
So this document I found on my Google Drive, which I will probably keep anyways because it reminds me of that short period of time after the break up when I was still somewhat hopeful to get back with him. We were supposed to sit down and debate whether or not we should get back together, but something would always come up, and he’d never get around to it. I guess you could say that it was the debate that carried on in my head when I was still deciding whether or not I should take that leap of faith (for what seemed like the millionth time) and just believe that things would be different this time around.
Screw it. I’m just going to post it here, hopefully someone asking themselves if they should get back with an exwill find it helpful. Here are a series of questions to ask yourself, and some questions you should probably ask the other person (the underlined). This is just the way I answered each of the questions, and are really for my own future reference. These were just the thoughts that went through my head when he I felt like I was pursuaded to give it another go. I don’t feel this way anymore… In fact I feel stupid for even thinking all these things. It’s not like I’m glad that we never got to talk, but I guess it’s for the better. You’ve found your priorities, and I’ve found my happiness. That still doesn’t mean that I don’t think we can’t be friends somewhere down the track when we’ve both got our shit together.
What about you has changed that will allow this to work now?
I’ve gained a greater understanding of the importance of having a social life outside of a relationship.
I feel that my current goal is to build upon the foundations provided to me by studying, and to be able to establish a steady career upon these foundations.
I’ve become a stronger person because I’ve learnt to love myself and to be able to stand my ground when it comes to something I don’t want to do – this is because I realised that I sacrificed a lot of time and effort to cater for him when I should have put myself first always.
What about your ex has changed that will allow this to work now?
What exactly went wrong?
I felt like the relationship was very much one-sided, and perhaps that got me hanging on even tighter.
I saw someone who wasn’t completely ready to be in a stable relationship because he couldn’t take care of himself, and instead he’d seek advice from others without actually thinking of how he felt first.
Did you get bored or did you stop being into me?
Is it worth the bother?
It’s going to take a great deal of individual and team effort to make this actually work
Think about the time, effort and necessary compromise needed to make it work again.
Is there equal willingness to put forth the effort?
A good relationship sees two people who are equally willing and committed to making it so.
We need to be on a level playing field which means we’ll both need to be actively involved in the process.
1. Did you have closure or find any closure in the past month that we have been apart?
2. What has changed that you think will make it work out this time?
How do I feel about you right now?
I have to say that the way we broke up wasn’t pleasant, especially because it was abrupt and I was left without any time to try and understand your reasons why. In the past month, I feel like I’ve found myself and I’m only just gaining momentum in getting over you.
Getting myself to get over you wasn’t easy, and I had to constantly remind myself that you stated very clearly that you didn’t love me anymore, and had no feelings for me left. Which is why I don’t really understand why you would want to get back with me now.
Basically, you pushed me to get over you… or even to just hate you. And I’ve been trying to hate you to get over you. And I just really need to understand on what basis we’d be reentering this relationship.