You know that saying ‘You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone’? No, I’m not talking about the one who got away. I’m talking about the regrets you have when you lose a family member or someone close to you.
My grandpa passed away while I was in my penultimate year of high school, and it’s been about 5-6 years since then. I think I’ve learnt a lot more about life in the past half a decade, which I probably wished I knew back then. I remember the night he passed so clearly because it was the exact same night my first boyfriend (notice how I didn’t call him my first love? haha) finally decided it was time to tell me he was leaving me long after I had seen the warning signs. Somewhere along the track, I learned how the pain of my first breakup was nothing compared to the feeling of realising how much I’d missed out on spending time with my family, especially my grandparents.
That realisation hit me a lot harder today when my sister curiously asked my dad what grandma used to do when she was younger. At that point, I asked myself… why hadn’t I asked her myself when she was still completely able-bodied? Why did we wait so long to wonder about her life before becoming a mother of three? Surely she would have a myriad of interesting stories to share with us but now it seems that she has very little time to spend with us. And there is not enough time to truly gauge the extent of how eventful or how hectic her life was way before my dad was born.
While I understand that life just has its way of throwing you a curveball when you least expect it, I still didn’t expect this to happen so soon. And I know there’s no point living in regret of what I should have or could have done, leaving me with only one option left and that is to be by her side and let it be known to her that I’m no longer that menacing little girl she had to deal with every day. I have to show her with what little time she may or may not have that I’ve finally grown up and am capable of taking care of myself and the ones I love.
I think I’ll stop here with this post because I can go on forever about this regret that I am dealing with. Quotes tend to sum up my feelings pretty well, so I’ll leave this one here:
Missing somebody? …Call
Wanna meet up? …Invite
Wanna be understood? …Explain
Have questions? …Ask
Don’t like something? …Say it
Like something? …State it
Want something?…Ask for it
Love someone ? …Tell it
I know I struggle with a few of the above, but I’m going to try harder now that I know what regret really feels like.